Episode 11: After a successful operation on his heart, George's father (Harold) undergoes surgery for his cancer.
Episode 12: George and his family must struggle with a difficult decision regarding Harold who is on life support.
So here we are again, i tried to type this once and it got erased maybe that was the best thing. . . but its the holidays so bad timing to be watching these two episodes. I wish someone would of warned me not to watch them, to just skip them and ask no questions, that would of been a lot better than what happened a few minutes ago.
i cried today! and normally when i watch this show i cry sometimes, every once in awhile i relate to one of the chicks on the show and i cry (imagine that, damn writers) but this time i wept! so it goes like this George's dad goes to the hospital to have a surgery on his heart and they find out that he has cancer. he asks that they remove the tumor and not tell his family, that he can fight it and he cannot leave his wife of 40 years and 3 sons this way; reluctantly they remove it. you can see the intensity building up and i know that at some point they are going to hit me in the head with the blow that somebody is going to die. his body cannot take the surgery though and after a few days his body starts to fail him; he has to be put on life support and finally the question is brought up "do you pull the plug or leave him on while hoping and praying that he will get better?" LIFE! the family decides to pull the plug and its a mess, by this time i am weeping, George is so soft i know that he is going to break (just like i did 3 years ago). I'm trying to be quiet because i know if my man sees me (though he isn't sure what i am crying about) i know that he might make fun of me (because I'm a crab, hard on the outside soft on the inside) but thanks to modern technology: headphones he is clueless!
FLASHBACK April 8-12, 2004 Sentara Hospital Hampton, VA:
i can see him, my father, now through the glass, tubes everywhere and machines lit up. i was told that he had a stroke, the hour and a half flight was hell but when i got to the room i found a completely different scenario. actually he had an aneurysm which triggered a massive stroke by the time he got the hospital they called him dead but my mother wouldn't have it, not without her children there (she's such a soldier). she forced them to put him on life support, i got there Friday morning, it had happened late Thursday night. my brother was in Saudi Arabia and was not sure if he was going to make it so my mother was forced to tell him on the phone Friday night (that broke my heart)! i felt robbed! i felt angry! i was mad at life and everybody in it for taking my best friend from me so many years earlier than he or i was ready! i was thankful that our last conversation was a good one, that i was able to say "i love you!" i spent days and hours talking to him, praying that at some point he would respond but he only got worse; the fluids in his body caused him to swell almost to an unrecognizable state. i still saw him for what he had always been to me, "My Hero!" fortunately my brother was able to come in on Sunday, and then they asked us the same question that they asked George and though we choose the same response my father had different intentions and he flat lined early Monday morning. i died that day with him! I'm not sure whose body i am living in but i hope that i am making him proud!
"I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't!" George
"Yeah that never really changes!" Christina... me either George!
The Dead Dad's Club: (Christina's idea not mine, not the best title though)
You can't be in it til you are in it but until you feel that loss then you will never understand!
If you are a member I apologize because I truly know how you feel; the loss and the pain that you feel! But let's get through it together. . .
Monday, December 17