Monday, December 17

Grey's Anatomy Season 3 Episode 11 and 12, suck a*s!

Episode 11: After a successful operation on his heart, George's father (Harold) undergoes surgery for his cancer.
Episode 12: George and his family must struggle with a difficult decision regarding Harold who is on life support.

So here we are again, i tried to type this once and it got erased maybe that was the best thing. . . but its the holidays so bad timing to be watching these two episodes. I wish someone would of warned me not to watch them, to just skip them and ask no questions, that would of been a lot better than what happened a few minutes ago.
i cried today! and normally when i watch this show i cry sometimes, every once in awhile i relate to one of the chicks on the show and i cry (imagine that, damn writers) but this time i wept! so it goes like this George's dad goes to the hospital to have a surgery on his heart and they find out that he has cancer. he asks that they remove the tumor and not tell his family, that he can fight it and he cannot leave his wife of 40 years and 3 sons this way; reluctantly they remove it. you can see the intensity building up and i know that at some point they are going to hit me in the head with the blow that somebody is going to die. his body cannot take the surgery though and after a few days his body starts to fail him; he has to be put on life support and finally the question is brought up "do you pull the plug or leave him on while hoping and praying that he will get better?" LIFE! the family decides to pull the plug and its a mess, by this time i am weeping, George is so soft i know that he is going to break (just like i did 3 years ago). I'm trying to be quiet because i know if my man sees me (though he isn't sure what i am crying about) i know that he might make fun of me (because I'm a crab, hard on the outside soft on the inside) but thanks to modern technology: headphones he is clueless!

FLASHBACK April 8-12, 2004 Sentara Hospital Hampton, VA:
i can see him, my father, now through the glass, tubes everywhere and machines lit up. i was told that he had a stroke, the hour and a half flight was hell but when i got to the room i found a completely different scenario. actually he had an aneurysm which triggered a massive stroke by the time he got the hospital they called him dead but my mother wouldn't have it, not without her children there (she's such a soldier). she forced them to put him on life support, i got there Friday morning, it had happened late Thursday night. my brother was in Saudi Arabia and was not sure if he was going to make it so my mother was forced to tell him on the phone Friday night (that broke my heart)! i felt robbed! i felt angry! i was mad at life and everybody in it for taking my best friend from me so many years earlier than he or i was ready! i was thankful that our last conversation was a good one, that i was able to say "i love you!" i spent days and hours talking to him, praying that at some point he would respond but he only got worse; the fluids in his body caused him to swell almost to an unrecognizable state. i still saw him for what he had always been to me, "My Hero!" fortunately my brother was able to come in on Sunday, and then they asked us the same question that they asked George and though we choose the same response my father had different intentions and he flat lined early Monday morning. i died that day with him! I'm not sure whose body i am living in but i hope that i am making him proud!
"I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't!" George
"Yeah that never really changes!"
Christina... me either George!

The Dead Dad's Club: (Christina's idea not mine, not the best title though)
You can't be in it til you are in it but until you feel that loss then you will never understand!
If you are a member I apologize because I truly know how you feel; the loss and the pain that you feel! But let's get through it together. . .


Ed P. said...

That was the most emotional day in my life. I have never emotionally lost it before, but to be in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, alone, with my family grieving a half a world away, was just too much.

Death was never a thing our family talked about. Sure we had gone to funerals in the past of uncles and aunts, but to lose a parent, to lose a best friend, to lose someone who was ALWAYS there... who stuck by you no matter the situation, was deeply painful.

Those days changed my life forever.... has it been for the worse? for the better? Im not sure, since I was forced to fill some shoes that I did not feel I was ready to fill.

Do you think since his passing we have made him proud? OF COURSE, it would of never been any other way. No matter what we did, what was done to us, whatever decisions we made, he would of been there. He still is.... just not physically, but now his character is instilled within us. We are partly our father and mother, and hopefully we will be able to instill within are kids some of this character.

I was a little quiet this past trip to the Philippines. There was a physical presence missing, our family while there, was not all there. Dad wasnt there.... didnt get to see a land and culture that was foreign to him, and that made me sad and quiet.

He will be forever missed and I will be forever trying to live up to the great person, father, husband, friend he once was.

Don-Micheal said...

Reading this has conjured some very strong emotions from that day. Your dad has always been a great figure in our lives and I have nothing but good memories of him. There is not a Waffle House that I drive by that I don't think about him... And every time I hear the "Temptations Xmas albulm, Little Drummer Boy" I can see him dancing (quite hysterically) in the playroom. Sky Eye always managed to bring a smile to my parents' faces, and that made me smile. And he was so proud of you and Ed, you have no idea. As you know, Grandma Mae passed and the funeral was last Friday. Seeing Dad through that experience gave me a new element of love for him. I dread the day I have to bury a parent and I am so sorry you and Ed had to expereince it at such a young age. But God provides and I know we all gained an angel that lachrymose day. I am blessed to have had your dad as an uncle and I am glad I was there to wish him farewell and be of support to you and your family. I know that you would do the same for me and that is very comforting. I hope you are well! Merry Christmas.